MERRY CHRISTMAS!

http://www.crosscards.com/cards/holidays/christmas/christmas-tree.html

For everyone who has read my blog, for everyone who has posted comments,
For every heart that rejoices and for every heart that still hurts,
For all who have helped me and for all who I've helped,
May 2010 be an even better year than 2009.

Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year.

Dealing with the disappointment of a loss

I found this Dear Abby letter from a woman who had experienced a miscarriage: http://legacy.signonsandiego.com/uniontrib/20070312/news_1c12abby.html

DEAR ABBY: I suffered a miscarriage six weeks ago. Since then, it feels like I have suffered one disappointment after another. My sister-in-law – who was supposed to be infertile – is now expecting. The doctors thought she'd had an ectopic pregnancy, so they performed surgery on her only to find that the baby was fine and right where it should be.
I feel so bitter that I am normal and healthy, and my baby died because of random bad luck, whereas her baby is fine after all the trauma she has been through. I have become increasingly angry and unhappy and can no longer see the positive aspects of my life because I spend so much time focusing on the bad. I want to be happy for her and my brother because, surely, this is a miracle baby – but I just can't.
I think I need a dose of good common sense and a swift kick in the rear to get me out of this depression. Would you do the honors?

– Anonymous in the North

Anyone who has been through a miscarriage will immediately sympathise with her feelings of injustice and jealousy; I couldn't bear the sight of a pregnant woman, any pregnant woman for weeks after my miscarriage because i couldn't help but wonder what they did that I didn't and how unfair it all was.

Thankfully, Abby gives very good advice to this woman; she doesn't need a kick up her rear, none of us do. What we need is the opportunity and support to grieve and work through all we are feeling at the time, knowing that we are not bad persons for feeling the way we do and we will not always feel the way we do.

For anyone struggling with feelings of disappointment and resentment as a result of a miscarriage, you are not abnormal and you are not alone. You will get through this.

When you can't shake that sad feeling

After a miscarriage, no matter how painful the loss, life goes on. You probably return to work and get on the affairs of daily life. After a while, you might manage a smile when you greet people as you go about your business and even sometimes, genuine laughter.

What happens when your life seems to have returned to normal but underneath the surface you still have lingering feelings of sadness? What happens in those moments when you are suddenly confronted by the fact that you suffered a loss? What do you do then?

I don't pretend to know what can be done then; I don't pretend to know what causes the sadness to linger. I just want to say that it happens and it doesn't mean you're regressing or that you are unable to move on after the loss. There'll be sad moments and even days and all I can pray is that when those times come, we will have the grace and strength to deal with it, holding on to the hope that this too shall pass.