Somebody not Nobody

“One of the great diseases is to be nobody to anybody...feeling unwanted, uncared for and deserted” – Mother Theresa.

After a miscarriage, the greatest injustice you can do to the mother is act like the baby was nobody to anyone. To a lot of women they lost a baby (not just a pregnancy) and they need to know that that “fetus” was Somebody.

It is important to us that we know that this baby was not a “nobody” or a “nothing” and that there are people who appreciate and acknowledge that the loss is a genuine one.

If you know anyone that may be grieving, even if she’s putting on a brave face, let her feel validated in your appreciation of the genuineness of her loss.

COMFORT

There’s a comfort that comes after a miscarriage when you hear of or read about another woman’s experience.

The comfort of knowing that we don’t think it was “just a pregnancy that wasn’t meant to be”.

The comfort of knowing that the ache in your heart isn’t abnormal: we’ve all felt it.

The comfort of knowing that you won’t always want to just stay in your pyjamas crying into your ice cream; you will get better.

The comfort of knowing that you are part of an amazing sisterhood: birthed in pain but surrounded with warmth and love.

Take comfort.

We're all the same

Many people may not understand or even agree with what i'm trying to accomplish here in Nigeria. In fact, the O&G consultant i worked under during my internship is convinced i'm wasting my time and support services for women after a miscarriage are unnecessary. I, on the other hand am convinced that they are.

I remember a story recounted by an author and preacher, Walter Trobisch in an old book i fished out from my mum's box not too long ago. While preaching in a church in a country in Africa, he used, as a preaching aid, a song from the musical “Fiddler on the roof” by Joseph Stein. After the service, an aged woman (using a translator), quoted a line in the song back to him, saying that it had touched her in a special way. He stated, “if a line from a modern American musical with a Jewish background, taking place in Russia, touches an almost seventy-year old widow who grew up in the African bush- the hearts of people must be the same all over the world. The differences are on the surfaces. Deep down there is nothing but that naked human heart – longing, fearing, hoping – the same wherever it beats”.

It is my earnest conviction that the results of this work will go a long way in healing hearts. I pray it does.

a prayer

This prayer was composed with help from different sources and I hope people will find it helpful.

Lord I come to you for I am heavy-laden and overburdened: cause me to rest. Relieve and refresh my soul; lift me up for I am bowed down. Lord, let your presence remain with me that I may be still and rest in you. I hope in you, God and wait expectantly for you; for you are the help of my countenance and my God. Therefore I know I shall yet praise you.

GRIEF AND RAIN

In the early hours of Thursday morning, it rained, suddenly and heavily for a couple of hours. However, by afternoon, the brilliance of the sun had removed almost every reminder of the fallen rain. We are not avid followers of the weather in Nigeria but rain in November is scarce as we are now in the Dry season (a.k.a harmattan).
On Friday, I was at work and, being a slow morning, was distracting myself with a soap opera that was on TV in the common room. Then there was a scene where a woman was having a miscarriage. She’d been on bedrest for bleeding in pregnancy and then suddenly started having cramps. She called out to her partner who rushed to her side and tried to hold and comfort her as she writhed in agony, crying.
I felt a sudden stab in my heart and a lump in my throat as I was taken back to the day when I was writhing in agony as my ‘light spotting’ became painful cramps. I remembered my dh trying to hold and comfort me as I wept and felt my baby pass out me. I had to look away to compose myself.
A few hours later, I contemplated how this grief, sudden and unexpected, was like the rain the day before. You may think the season of grief is over but suddenly, without warning, something triggers it again. But when u open up to the warmth of the sun (the love of God, family &friends) you will be able to live in the light and walk without falling in to puddles.

aspirations for the month

I have quite a few goals for this month. The project i've been working on has taken a bit of a back seat due to my being so busy with work and family but i really want to get on track. So i was able to drop off some questionnairres and need to really get out and start collating the data so that i can compile the results by the end of the month. I also need to organise a Focus Group Discussion with women that have experienced a miscarriage in order to buttress my points in the study that women need that support network to successfully heal completely after a miscarriage.
I have a lot to do but i'm excited and hopeful that i'll get it all done and that the influence of this work will make a significant impact.
Will definitely post my findings here as well.

About Obama and the Audacity of Hope

The election of Senator Barack Obama as the 44th President of the USA has inspired millions beyond the shores of his nation; it certainly has inspired me.

His victory makes it clear that, as he said, "there's no destiny we cannot fulfil". I will pursue my dream and work at it with passion, dedication and diligence. I am hopeful that all my dreams for MiSIA can and will come to pass and that lives, and hence the nation, will be changed because of this work.

We all can afford to dream and aspire to fulfill our destinies.

Yes We Can!