The uniqueness of a miscarriage

Every person is different and was created unique. And so, when a woman has a miscarriage, her experience is as unique as she is. You cannot predict what the miscarriage process will be like for her and you cannot predict what her feelings will be after the miscarriage.

Bearing this in mind, it is therefore very important to avoid projecting your expectations on the woman on how she should deal with the loss. Some women hate the idea of a D&C and would rather miscarry naturally while others will rather have the pregnancy end once and for all than endure days of bleeding and a prolonged good-bye. Some women are relieved when their pregnancies end, others feel a sense of loss that eases with time while still others deal with heightened feelings of depression, anxiety and guilt for much longer.

If we are going to offer support and encourage complete healing after a miscarriage then we should acknowledge and respect each mother's autonomy and the uniqueness of her experience; that miscarriage is common doesn't mean we should make it common.

Miscarrige in Today's World

I just finished reading an article about Celine Dion having a miscarriage and then people were free to post comments about the article.
Reading through the comments I was struck by the diversity of opinion but even more so by the ways such opinions were passionately attacked and defended.
What saddened me more was how many people were quick to judge her for longing to have a second child at 41years and by IVF; people calling for her to get over herself, to adopt, saying her eggs were to old and her body could not carry another pregnancy because of her age. I don't even feel the need to defend her but I feel the need to comment on the attitude that makes it so difficult to talk about miscarriage.

• How am I supposed to grieve the loss of a child I wanted and loved even without knowing when you make me feel that it makes me a selfish, spoiled child?
• Why should I be able to tell you about my miscarriage if, instead of saying "I'm so sorry for your loss", you say. "you can always have another/haven't you considered adoption?"
• How can I experience the catharsis of talking about what happened to me if you feel it is "yucky" and "TMI"?

I really think we need more voices to speak out and change the wrong attitude that stigmatises a legitimate loss thus hindering the ability to heal.