About "What If?" and "If Only"

After a miscarriage it is so easy to wonder "What if...?" and to wish "If only..."

• "What if I had stopped exercising?"
• "If only I didn't stress myself so much at work ".
• "What if I hadn't had sex that day?"
• "If only I didn"t drink so much coffee/wine."

Helen Jaeger, in Paths through Grief offers much-needed insight. She says, " We do not live in alternative worlds where other outcomes are possible. We live here, we live now and, when we are grieving, we live in pain."

Pause and think on that a moment. Then forgive yourself, let go and live free.

A Poem to Share

JESUS, IS HE WITH YOU?
Jesus is he with you?
I wonder every day
I sit and wonder why he's gone
And why he could not stay

Every part of me is empty
I feel I can't go on
But when I look to heaven
I hear this beautiful song

Mommy I am with him
He holds me in his arms
When every I am with him
He keeps me safe and warm

He says you shouldn't worry
I am safe and loved right here
With all the other baby angels
That passed within the years

We have a special place up here
He thought that you should know
Where the Blessed Mother takes your place
For now until you show

When I hear this precious little voice
From the heavens above
I know that all the angels
Are showering him with love

For everyone that wants to hear
Their babies voice so innocent and sweet
Just close your eyes and begin to pray
And embrace them in your sleep.

(c) Angela Gibson All Rights Reserved

Risk Factors In Miscarriage (3)

These are factors that the researchers found had no impact on the risk of having a miscarriage.
· Pregnancy history – the order of the pregnancy i.e. whether the pregnancy was your first, second etc or the time between two pregnancies (i.e. if it was a short interval) regardless of prior outcome.
· Physical stress – working full time, standing or sitting for more than 6hours a day, lifting heavy objects or people (e.g. your children or pets), strenuous exercise are not associated with a poor pregnancy outcome.
· Social class or level of education.
· Occasional alcohol or moderate caffeine consumption were not associated with increased risk. However, you are advised to cut out alcohol, cigarettes and strictly limit caffeine when you are pregnant.
At the end of the day, one can only hope and pray that everything goes well when you are pregnant. Hopefully, more research will be done into this matter so that we learn more and be able to do more.

Just Checking In

I feel really bad that I haven't updated my blog in a while. There have been some issues with my Internet and even now I'm having difficulty uploading the final part of my article on the risk factors in miscarriage.

I am also working on designing a free e-newsletter for doctors where they can receive regular updates and guidelines to promote good practice and I'm hopeful that it will have many subscribers and make the desired impact on the lives of women in Nigeria.

I will try again to post the final part of my article on risk factors.

Risk Factors In Miscarriage (2)

Today I want to discuss the factors that may increase the risk of miscarriage. I must emphasise here that an increased risk does not mean you will definitely have a miscarriage it just means a miscarriage is more likely if you have these risk factors. This is just a guide to help us to reduce the risks and improve our chances of a successful pregnancy.
· Older age – if the mother is over 35 years or the father is over 45years irrespective of mother’s age.
· Previous miscarriage – if you had a miscarriage before the present pregnancy. However, please note that a lot of women whose first pregnancy ended in a miscarriage go on to have normal pregnancies and healthy babies.
· Fertility problems – if it took a long time to conceive or if you used assisted methods to conceive.
· Alcohol – if your alcohol consumption is high or you regularly drink large amounts of alcohol. The emphasis here is on the quantity so please don’t beat yourself up about the glass of wine you had when you didn’t know you were pregnant.
· Emotional stress – if the mother and father are not together, if she goes through bereavement or other similar traumatic event or if she’s stressed or anxious about anything in the early weeks of the pregnancy.
· Past Gynaecology issues – a woman who bleeds after intercourse and some cases of previous termination can increase the risk of miscarriage.
A lot of these factors cannot be changed but we can do our best to be as healthy and as happy as possible and remember that a majority of the time, the loss was not our fault.

Risk Factors in Miscarriage (1)

In 2005, the London School of Hygiene and Tropical medicine carried out a research for the Miscarriage Association and came up with some factors that may increase or decrease the risk of miscarriage. I would like to start by sharing the factors that reduce the risk of miscarriage because I’m sure that is more like what you would want to read about first (I know I would!).

These don’t mean you won’t miscarry but it just means you are less likely to.

· Pregnancy history – if the pregnancy was planned and your last pregnancy ended in a live birth of a baby. Women who experience nausea (i.e. morning sickness) are also less likely to miscarry.
· Emotional state – if you are happy and relaxed.
· Diet – if you take your recommended vitamins (especially folic acid) and have a diet rich in fresh fruits, vegetables, dairy products (milk, cheese, etc) and ... chocolate!
· If you continue to have sexual intercourse as long as there is no bleeding.

Well I guess what the scientists have proven is that, for a successful pregnancy think happy thoughts and bring on the chocolate!

When You Don't Feel Thankful

I've focused recently on the need to have the right perspective and give thanks for what is good in your life instead of fixating on what needs to change.
However, after a pregnancy loss, it may be too hard to be thankful because you are caught up in grief.
As a christian, I felt I had to be thankful and joyful because the Bible says so and on my off days I felt guilty about not being able to maintain an attitude of gratitude. Then I came across 2 verses of Scripture that really gave me comfort and I want to share them with you.

• The LORD is close to the broken-hearted...those who are crushed in spirit (Psalm 34:18).
• The LORD says, "I, even I, am the one who comforts you" (Isaiah 51:12).

It's good to know that God is right there, close by and comforting, when you're feeling too down to "count your blessings".