Inspired by Psalm 102

This is a poem for all the women out there struggling. Sending Much Love.

SHE WEEPS, SHE PRAYS.

Hear her prayer O Lord

Her heart is stricken within her

Hear her cry O Lord

She has mingled her drink with tears

Hear her groans O Lord

She lies awake grieving.

Let it be said that You heard

Let it be written that You answered

Let it be known that You showed mercy.

Her time for favour has come

It's time for her morning to dawn.

"It could be worse!"

It's easy to be distracted by what we don't have, where we wish we were or when our sorrows or trials will end.

No matter what your distractions may be, one of the secrets to contentment is knowing that it could be worse.

I saw this story in the devotional "The Word For Today": Snoopy was lying in his dog house one Thanksgiving Day, mumbling about being stuck with the dog food while all those humans got to be inside with the turkey and the gravy and the pumpkin pie. "Of course it could be worse", he finally reflected, "I could have been born a turkey".

Smile.

And count your blessings.

What We Can Offer

I saw this inspirational poem and I thought it would be great to share it. I love it because it shows me that no matter who you are or where you are, every one has something to offer their world. I hope you will enjoy it as I did.

GIVE...

Give strength, give thought,

give deeds, give wealth;

Give love, give tears and give thyself.

Give, give, be always giving.

Who gives not is not living;

The more you give, the more you live.

(poet unknown)

This Life

I saw this quote by Mother Theresa: "Life us an opportunity, benefit from it. Life is beauty, admire it. Life is bliss, taste it. Life is a dream, realise it. Life is a challenge, meet it. Life is a duty, complete it."
Every morning when we wake up, we awake to new challenges and fresh opportunities. We can't be our best today if we are caught up in yesterday's drama or obsessing about tomorrow's issues.
After a miscarriage or any loss, it is easy to either live in yesterday (going over what happened, why it happened &how it changed your life) or worrying about tomorrow (will it happen again, will you ever get better). Neither will help; rather they will steal today from you. And honestly, today is all we've got.
So embrace Life.

THE MISCARRIAGE RITES OF PASSAGE (2)

Continuing from where we left off, I have 2 more steps for you to consider.

3. The Due date: even if you’re already pregnant by then, it’s still hard. It’s hard because you know that you should be holding a baby in your arms by now and you’re not. If you’re lucky, you’ll be so distracted that the day will go by before you realise its significance. More often than not, you’ll remember the date.
My advice is, don’t spend time in apprehension as the day approaches. Plan something special for that day with your husband/ mother/ girlfriend(s). Celebrate life on that day.

4. The first time you acknowledge the loss: in the weeks and months that follow a miscarriage, all you do is think about it. You want to go over what happened, you want to see what you did wrong, you want to understand why. If you’re lucky, you’ll have someone’s ear to talk off in the process.
But I’m talking about the 1st time you have to tell someone who didn’t know that you had a miscarriage. For me it was at the clinic, giving my reproductive history and again with my pastor (blogged about the second one on an older post). It’s hard because most times you think you have moved on (hence the decision to talk about it). But acknowledging that loss brings all those old feelings back to the surface as you remember how hard it was for you.
It’s okay. It doesn’t mean you’ve relapsed to (in my case!) your pyjama-wearing, Pringles-munching days. It just means you lost something precious and your heart knows it.

So, for those of you who thought you were the only ones going through this stuff, you’re not alone. For those of you at the start of this journey, hope this helps you get to the other side safely. And for our friends and loved ones, hope this information helps you to be even better friends to us.

THE MISCARRIAGE RITES OF PASSAGE (1)

After my miscarriage, there were experiences I went through that I wasn’t prepared for. Then I realised that these were milestones in the lives of women after a miscarriage and passing through them was part of arriving at a final destination of healing and wholeness.

1. My first period: if there was anything that marked the end finality of the loss it was finding out that “Aunty Flo” was in town. I had been happily pregnant and blissfully anticipating 9 period-free months that were not to be.
You have two ways to respond when this day comes: you could interpret it as your body giving you a rude slap and screaming at you, “You’re NOT pregnant” or you could interpret it as your body giving you a wake-up call and saying, “Are we ready to try again? Come on, it’ll be fun!”

2. The first pregnant woman I saw: it was different for me because after the miscarriage I became a recluse and would not go out. I could afford to because I had exams so I stayed in and tried to study. However that didn’t stop this milestone from meeting me. I was watching the telly and there were, not one but TWO celebrities pregnant and due around what would have been my due date! There they were, happily chatting to interviewers and whoever would care to listen about how excited they were and how the pregnancy was affecting work and how wonderful the world was. It was all I could do not to scream at the TV!
You will run into someone you know who is pregnant or someone who knows someone that’s pregnant. And they’ll rattle on, blissfully unaware; and you’ll be tempted to scream or to tell them to shut up. You will feel overwhelmed by the unfairness of it all and wonder what you did to deserve it. The important thing is to decide beforehand that if and when that day comes, you’ll be gracious and celebrate your fellow sister’s good fortune because you appreciate how precious that gift is.
So she’s pregnant and you’re not. That doesn’t make her better than you; it just makes her pregnant.

to be continued...

Something for the Health care providers

I was just musing about some tendencies I had as a medical student and a doctor that are now being changed because of my experience of a miscarriage.

It's so easy to turn patients in our care into goods on a conveyor belt ("take this drug and see you in 2weeks. NEXT!"). But they are people just like us and no matter how overworked and undervalued we feel, we need to remember that that's a woman who just lost a baby (NOT "the Missed Ab in room 12"!).

After a miscarriage, it's not enough to clear out all the retained contents, prevent infection, control pain and discharge home. Some patients may want you to sit with them so they can cry and ask, "Why?" They want you to accept them on their own terms and treat them with dignity.

So, when you go on your next ward round, spare a thought for the woman on the bed; forget about impressing your Consultant or showing off your excellent clinical skills and use that opportunity to boost her morale.

We can make a difference.