More Coping Tips

Here are some tips if you are coping with depression:
• Resist the temptation to be alone! Do not cut yourself from others...you need them now more than ever. You need people you can talk to when you feel it’s too much for you to bear.
• Connect with the ones you love. Feeling love and support from family members, friends, your spouse and God can help. Let them shower you with attention and gifts; or if you’re a nurturer, feel free to take care of them.
• Pray and meditate. Read positive books and quotations. My blog is full of that kind of stuff!
• Return to work. If you have not already done so, returning to a productive and structured work day can help alleviate depression. This safe environment can provide friendly support as well as a feeling of returning to ‘normal’. Day-to-day tasks will also distract your mind from grief.
• Stay away from excesses such as alcohol, excessive eating, illegal drugs, overworking or promiscuity. These things are only temporary escapes and they can be harmful to your physical and emotional wellbeing. Did the overeating thing...it did NOT work and ended up feeling guilty.
• Don’t be afraid to ask for help! If you have several symptoms that persist for several weeks, get professional help immediately. There are treatments and medications that can help. It is not a sign of weakness and nothing is wrong with you...it just means you can’t cope on your own at this time.

As my people will say...e go beta!
Culled from www.hopexchange.com

Choosing to be Whole again

There is no grief that can be compared to the pain of losing your unborn child. I am not in any way minimizing other forms of loss; when you lose a parent, friend or any other loved one, it's hard. You think about the memories you shared and the impact they had on your life. You find yourself in a particular situation and think, "I wish X was here" or "I know what Z would think of this".

When you lose a baby (by miscarriage, stillbirth or early neonatal death) you don't have that 'luxury'. You don't grieve about the past; you mourn the future you will never have with that child. You see pregnant women and nursing mothers everywhere you look and feel overwhelmed about the unfairness of it all. You walk around with an empty feeling because a part of you has been rudely taken away.

When I had a miscarriage, I finally knew what a broken heart felt like. Just two days before, I had booked an appointment for a scan to see my baby for the first time. I was excited, dreaming about how I would look with a 'bump' and glad to be alive. I went from exhilaration to trepidation(when I first saw the blood stain) to devastation. I wondered what good could possibly come from this pain. I felt cheated, robbed even.

Ten weeks later (and thirteen pounds heavier!) I chose to move on. In the end, it's a choice we have to make: to be healed again. No one can make you happy and no one can keep you depressed. The power to get out of that slump, the grace to maintain a positive outlook and the will to survive the trying times is in each of us.

Results are in!

For those of you that have been following (or if you've read my old blog posts) you'll know that I've been working on a research project to highlight to health care providers the importance of information and support to women after a miscarriage and the relevance of this service in Nigeria.

I'm excited to note that I've started analysing the results from the questionnaires i distributed and the results are what i hoped for. First of all, I've been able to prove that here in Nigeria we have the same prevalence of miscarriage as is stated in books in the UK and US, which is 1 in 4 women would have experienced a miscarriage in their lifetime. The commonest emotion highlighted by these women after their miscarriage was misery followed closely by fear.

With the right information and comforting support i believe we can make sure that other women in the future don't have to walk this path alone and I'm grateful for the privilege to speak out for them.

Don't hold back

There's a story about a woman in such deep anguish that she goes to the temple to pray. She's there, pouring out her heart in words too painful to be uttered, in complete agony and a man walks in. He's in charge at this temple, you see, and he assumes that her strange behaviour is because she's been a little too friendly with the bottle.
So he stops her, chastising her for coming to the house of God in such a state. This dear woman then explains to him, that it is sorrow, not drink that is the reason for her state. The man realises his mistake and prays in agreement with her that God will answer her cry.
It's good when we tell the men in our lives how we feel. 'Cos honestly...they just don't get it sometimes! If you're in anguish or sorrow about your miscarriage, infant loss, or any issue at all and it's beginning to affect your attitude or actions then stop. open your eyes, look at your man and open your mouth.
I strongly believe that you both will be glad you did.

Celebrate Life

You may not be where you want to be, you may have sufferred disappoinments, heartaches and loss...but you're alive. As long as you're alive you can continue to be hopeful.
These words, written thousands of years ago, are timeless and still ring true for today:

"For to him that is joined to all the living there is hope...Go thy way, eat thy bread with joy and drink thy wine with a merry heart...let thy garments be always white, and let thy head lack not ointment. Live joyfully...(and) whatsoever thy hand findeth to do, do it with all thy might; for there is no work, nor device, nor knowledge...in the grave"

HAPPY 2009!!!

Sorry the New Year message is late...my internet has been acting up but thank God it's cool now.

I'm excited and grateful for a new year. A clean slate. A fresh beginning.
For everyone who read my blog in 2008, posted comments, prayed for me and this work and are monitoring my progress...thank you very, very much.
I believe that 2009 will be full of good news and I'm so expectant.

Stay blessed and live in charge!