GIVE...
Give strength, give thought,
give deeds, give wealth;
Give love, give tears and give thyself.
Give, give, be always giving.
Who gives not is not living;
The more you give, the more you live.
(poet unknown)
Monday, March 30, 2009
What We Can Offer
I saw this inspirational poem and I thought it would be great to share it. I love it because it shows me that no matter who you are or where you are, every one has something to offer their world. I hope you will enjoy it as I did.
Friday, March 20, 2009
This Life
I saw this quote by Mother Theresa: "Life us an opportunity, benefit from it. Life is beauty, admire it. Life is bliss, taste it. Life is a dream, realise it. Life is a challenge, meet it. Life is a duty, complete it."
Every morning when we wake up, we awake to new challenges and fresh opportunities. We can't be our best today if we are caught up in yesterday's drama or obsessing about tomorrow's issues.
After a miscarriage or any loss, it is easy to either live in yesterday (going over what happened, why it happened &how it changed your life) or worrying about tomorrow (will it happen again, will you ever get better). Neither will help; rather they will steal today from you. And honestly, today is all we've got.
So embrace Life.
Every morning when we wake up, we awake to new challenges and fresh opportunities. We can't be our best today if we are caught up in yesterday's drama or obsessing about tomorrow's issues.
After a miscarriage or any loss, it is easy to either live in yesterday (going over what happened, why it happened &how it changed your life) or worrying about tomorrow (will it happen again, will you ever get better). Neither will help; rather they will steal today from you. And honestly, today is all we've got.
So embrace Life.
Saturday, March 14, 2009
THE MISCARRIAGE RITES OF PASSAGE (2)
Continuing from where we left off, I have 2 more steps for you to consider.
3. The Due date: even if you’re already pregnant by then, it’s still hard. It’s hard because you know that you should be holding a baby in your arms by now and you’re not. If you’re lucky, you’ll be so distracted that the day will go by before you realise its significance. More often than not, you’ll remember the date.
My advice is, don’t spend time in apprehension as the day approaches. Plan something special for that day with your husband/ mother/ girlfriend(s). Celebrate life on that day.
4. The first time you acknowledge the loss: in the weeks and months that follow a miscarriage, all you do is think about it. You want to go over what happened, you want to see what you did wrong, you want to understand why. If you’re lucky, you’ll have someone’s ear to talk off in the process.
But I’m talking about the 1st time you have to tell someone who didn’t know that you had a miscarriage. For me it was at the clinic, giving my reproductive history and again with my pastor (blogged about the second one on an older post). It’s hard because most times you think you have moved on (hence the decision to talk about it). But acknowledging that loss brings all those old feelings back to the surface as you remember how hard it was for you.
It’s okay. It doesn’t mean you’ve relapsed to (in my case!) your pyjama-wearing, Pringles-munching days. It just means you lost something precious and your heart knows it.
So, for those of you who thought you were the only ones going through this stuff, you’re not alone. For those of you at the start of this journey, hope this helps you get to the other side safely. And for our friends and loved ones, hope this information helps you to be even better friends to us.
3. The Due date: even if you’re already pregnant by then, it’s still hard. It’s hard because you know that you should be holding a baby in your arms by now and you’re not. If you’re lucky, you’ll be so distracted that the day will go by before you realise its significance. More often than not, you’ll remember the date.
My advice is, don’t spend time in apprehension as the day approaches. Plan something special for that day with your husband/ mother/ girlfriend(s). Celebrate life on that day.
4. The first time you acknowledge the loss: in the weeks and months that follow a miscarriage, all you do is think about it. You want to go over what happened, you want to see what you did wrong, you want to understand why. If you’re lucky, you’ll have someone’s ear to talk off in the process.
But I’m talking about the 1st time you have to tell someone who didn’t know that you had a miscarriage. For me it was at the clinic, giving my reproductive history and again with my pastor (blogged about the second one on an older post). It’s hard because most times you think you have moved on (hence the decision to talk about it). But acknowledging that loss brings all those old feelings back to the surface as you remember how hard it was for you.
It’s okay. It doesn’t mean you’ve relapsed to (in my case!) your pyjama-wearing, Pringles-munching days. It just means you lost something precious and your heart knows it.
So, for those of you who thought you were the only ones going through this stuff, you’re not alone. For those of you at the start of this journey, hope this helps you get to the other side safely. And for our friends and loved ones, hope this information helps you to be even better friends to us.
Wednesday, March 11, 2009
THE MISCARRIAGE RITES OF PASSAGE (1)
After my miscarriage, there were experiences I went through that I wasn’t prepared for. Then I realised that these were milestones in the lives of women after a miscarriage and passing through them was part of arriving at a final destination of healing and wholeness.
1. My first period: if there was anything that marked the end finality of the loss it was finding out that “Aunty Flo” was in town. I had been happily pregnant and blissfully anticipating 9 period-free months that were not to be.
You have two ways to respond when this day comes: you could interpret it as your body giving you a rude slap and screaming at you, “You’re NOT pregnant” or you could interpret it as your body giving you a wake-up call and saying, “Are we ready to try again? Come on, it’ll be fun!”
2. The first pregnant woman I saw: it was different for me because after the miscarriage I became a recluse and would not go out. I could afford to because I had exams so I stayed in and tried to study. However that didn’t stop this milestone from meeting me. I was watching the telly and there were, not one but TWO celebrities pregnant and due around what would have been my due date! There they were, happily chatting to interviewers and whoever would care to listen about how excited they were and how the pregnancy was affecting work and how wonderful the world was. It was all I could do not to scream at the TV!
You will run into someone you know who is pregnant or someone who knows someone that’s pregnant. And they’ll rattle on, blissfully unaware; and you’ll be tempted to scream or to tell them to shut up. You will feel overwhelmed by the unfairness of it all and wonder what you did to deserve it. The important thing is to decide beforehand that if and when that day comes, you’ll be gracious and celebrate your fellow sister’s good fortune because you appreciate how precious that gift is.
So she’s pregnant and you’re not. That doesn’t make her better than you; it just makes her pregnant.
to be continued...
1. My first period: if there was anything that marked the end finality of the loss it was finding out that “Aunty Flo” was in town. I had been happily pregnant and blissfully anticipating 9 period-free months that were not to be.
You have two ways to respond when this day comes: you could interpret it as your body giving you a rude slap and screaming at you, “You’re NOT pregnant” or you could interpret it as your body giving you a wake-up call and saying, “Are we ready to try again? Come on, it’ll be fun!”
2. The first pregnant woman I saw: it was different for me because after the miscarriage I became a recluse and would not go out. I could afford to because I had exams so I stayed in and tried to study. However that didn’t stop this milestone from meeting me. I was watching the telly and there were, not one but TWO celebrities pregnant and due around what would have been my due date! There they were, happily chatting to interviewers and whoever would care to listen about how excited they were and how the pregnancy was affecting work and how wonderful the world was. It was all I could do not to scream at the TV!
You will run into someone you know who is pregnant or someone who knows someone that’s pregnant. And they’ll rattle on, blissfully unaware; and you’ll be tempted to scream or to tell them to shut up. You will feel overwhelmed by the unfairness of it all and wonder what you did to deserve it. The important thing is to decide beforehand that if and when that day comes, you’ll be gracious and celebrate your fellow sister’s good fortune because you appreciate how precious that gift is.
So she’s pregnant and you’re not. That doesn’t make her better than you; it just makes her pregnant.
to be continued...
Sunday, March 8, 2009
Something for the Health care providers
I was just musing about some tendencies I had as a medical student and a doctor that are now being changed because of my experience of a miscarriage.
It's so easy to turn patients in our care into goods on a conveyor belt ("take this drug and see you in 2weeks. NEXT!"). But they are people just like us and no matter how overworked and undervalued we feel, we need to remember that that's a woman who just lost a baby (NOT "the Missed Ab in room 12"!).
After a miscarriage, it's not enough to clear out all the retained contents, prevent infection, control pain and discharge home. Some patients may want you to sit with them so they can cry and ask, "Why?" They want you to accept them on their own terms and treat them with dignity.
So, when you go on your next ward round, spare a thought for the woman on the bed; forget about impressing your Consultant or showing off your excellent clinical skills and use that opportunity to boost her morale.
We can make a difference.
It's so easy to turn patients in our care into goods on a conveyor belt ("take this drug and see you in 2weeks. NEXT!"). But they are people just like us and no matter how overworked and undervalued we feel, we need to remember that that's a woman who just lost a baby (NOT "the Missed Ab in room 12"!).
After a miscarriage, it's not enough to clear out all the retained contents, prevent infection, control pain and discharge home. Some patients may want you to sit with them so they can cry and ask, "Why?" They want you to accept them on their own terms and treat them with dignity.
So, when you go on your next ward round, spare a thought for the woman on the bed; forget about impressing your Consultant or showing off your excellent clinical skills and use that opportunity to boost her morale.
We can make a difference.
Wednesday, March 4, 2009
Excerpts from my Literature Review.
As you may know, I'm working on a research project here in Nigeria. Decided to share a sneak peak for the more academically inclined of my readers. Thanks for reading.
The World Health Organisation defines health as “a state of complete physical, mental and social well-being and not merely the absence of disease or infirmity”. The miscarriage process itself affects the physical well-being: abdominal cramps, blood loss and falling pregnancy hormones. The mental well-being is undermined by the psychological trauma of loss and the heartbreaking experience of ending a pregnancy without a baby to hold. The social well-being is impacted because people in the patient’s social circle who have not experienced a miscarriage themselves may find it hard to empathise with what has occurred and how upsetting it may be; this may lead to unrealistic expectations of her recovery and/or avoidance of the issue, making the woman feel particularly isolated.
There usually are culturally appropriate accounts produced by individuals and societies about why miscarriages happen; these accounts may be used to excuse or blame women for miscarrying. In some villages in the Western part of Nigeria, miscarriage is attributed to spirits where traditional birth attendants have been known to advice the women to avoid movements in the midday and at nights because those are the times the evil spirits that can harm a pregnancy also move around. In Orba and Nsukka towns of Enugu state in the Eastern part of Nigeria, pregnant women are encouraged to eat a lot of ewedu, a vegetable believed to prevent miscarriage. The Journal of Medicinal Food has revealed Ewedu to be a good source of Iron while the African Journal of Biotechnology states that it may arrest threatened miscarriage specifically due to malnutrition or infections. In a study conducted in tertiary care centres in South-Eastern Nigeria, it was found that there was a drop in coital frequency in about 72% of the male partners of pregnant women; a significant predictor of reduced coital frequency was the belief that sex in pregnancy could cause miscarriage.
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