THE MISCARRIAGE RITES OF PASSAGE (1)

After my miscarriage, there were experiences I went through that I wasn’t prepared for. Then I realised that these were milestones in the lives of women after a miscarriage and passing through them was part of arriving at a final destination of healing and wholeness.

1. My first period: if there was anything that marked the end finality of the loss it was finding out that “Aunty Flo” was in town. I had been happily pregnant and blissfully anticipating 9 period-free months that were not to be.
You have two ways to respond when this day comes: you could interpret it as your body giving you a rude slap and screaming at you, “You’re NOT pregnant” or you could interpret it as your body giving you a wake-up call and saying, “Are we ready to try again? Come on, it’ll be fun!”

2. The first pregnant woman I saw: it was different for me because after the miscarriage I became a recluse and would not go out. I could afford to because I had exams so I stayed in and tried to study. However that didn’t stop this milestone from meeting me. I was watching the telly and there were, not one but TWO celebrities pregnant and due around what would have been my due date! There they were, happily chatting to interviewers and whoever would care to listen about how excited they were and how the pregnancy was affecting work and how wonderful the world was. It was all I could do not to scream at the TV!
You will run into someone you know who is pregnant or someone who knows someone that’s pregnant. And they’ll rattle on, blissfully unaware; and you’ll be tempted to scream or to tell them to shut up. You will feel overwhelmed by the unfairness of it all and wonder what you did to deserve it. The important thing is to decide beforehand that if and when that day comes, you’ll be gracious and celebrate your fellow sister’s good fortune because you appreciate how precious that gift is.
So she’s pregnant and you’re not. That doesn’t make her better than you; it just makes her pregnant.

to be continued...