THE MISCARRIAGE RITES OF PASSAGE (2)

Continuing from where we left off, I have 2 more steps for you to consider.

3. The Due date: even if you’re already pregnant by then, it’s still hard. It’s hard because you know that you should be holding a baby in your arms by now and you’re not. If you’re lucky, you’ll be so distracted that the day will go by before you realise its significance. More often than not, you’ll remember the date.
My advice is, don’t spend time in apprehension as the day approaches. Plan something special for that day with your husband/ mother/ girlfriend(s). Celebrate life on that day.

4. The first time you acknowledge the loss: in the weeks and months that follow a miscarriage, all you do is think about it. You want to go over what happened, you want to see what you did wrong, you want to understand why. If you’re lucky, you’ll have someone’s ear to talk off in the process.
But I’m talking about the 1st time you have to tell someone who didn’t know that you had a miscarriage. For me it was at the clinic, giving my reproductive history and again with my pastor (blogged about the second one on an older post). It’s hard because most times you think you have moved on (hence the decision to talk about it). But acknowledging that loss brings all those old feelings back to the surface as you remember how hard it was for you.
It’s okay. It doesn’t mean you’ve relapsed to (in my case!) your pyjama-wearing, Pringles-munching days. It just means you lost something precious and your heart knows it.

So, for those of you who thought you were the only ones going through this stuff, you’re not alone. For those of you at the start of this journey, hope this helps you get to the other side safely. And for our friends and loved ones, hope this information helps you to be even better friends to us.