Sending Encouragement

I've been very busy with the Masters programme but my desire to reach out and help people dealing with miscarriage is still very strong. So if there is anyone who is struggling at this time, I would like to send you this card.

http://www.crosscards.co.uk/cards/cardform.aspx?cp=1&iNo=97&No=35

I hope you are able to read and enjoy it.

In Honour Of Pregnancy &Infant Loss Remembrance Day

October 15th is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day and in honour of that, I want to share a poem I wrote for the one I lost.

For my Angel.
Like a flash of lightening
You lit up my world and then you were gone
Like the morning dew fall
You came, then vanished with the rising sun

Your life was so brief
You brought me such joy, you left me in pain
It’s so hard to grasp
Why you had to go, no one can explain.

My Angel
I’ll love you forever
My Angel
I’ll forget you never
My Angel
I am a believer
That one day I’ll see you
That one day I’ll hold you
That one day, we’ll always be together.

Taking Care of Yourself when Grieving

There is a great article on msn health and fitness about this and I would like to share some of their points with you. Even though it's focus is on grieving a loved one at the end of their life, I know that the grief of a miscarriage is just as real and needs to be addressed.

This is just my summary; you can find the full article on http://health.msn.com/health-topics/caregiving/end-of-life/articlepage.aspx?cp-documentid=100245934

First, be gentle and compassionate with yourself. Grief is often described as a syndrome with intense emotional responses but it can also have cognitive, physical and spiritual effects too.
Emotional: You may need to identify and express your feelings as you experience them, be they of sadness, guilt, regret, anger, numbness, fear or even suicidal thoughts. Writing in a journal or finding someone to talk to can be really useful.
Cognitive: You may also find it difficult, in the first few days after the loss, to concentrate on work or any task and you may be more forgetful or have a short attention span.
Physical: Sleep deprivation or excess, changes in appetite, aches and pains and even the ’flu are symptoms that can be attributed to the grieving.
Spiritual: You may be attacked by a crisis of confidence in your spiritual beliefs, you may question your beliefs about the goodness of God and have difficulty making a meaning out of the loss.
Whatever symptoms you feel, be patient with yourself; they will pass with time. Take good care of yourself by ensuring you eat a balanced diet and avoid excessive alcohol (no matter how strongly you are tempted by Ben &Jerry or Johnny Walker).
Take time to meditate and reaffirm your faith and convictions and if you can afford it, pamper yourself with a manicure, a massage or even just a soothing bath. Finally, always remember to ask for help: from your doctor, your religious leader or your family.

Update

Well, I'm happy to report that I have begun a Masters in Public Health programme. I'm really grateful for the opportunity because I believe it will give me the needed skills and knowledge to improve on the work I am doing and will be doing in Nigeria as per promoting the best form of health care for women, starting first of all with women after a miscarriage.

It's been a very busy time of registration and settling in. I hope that I will still make time to update the blog and that I will continue to help those that I can.

A Word of Encouragement

"Do not let ourselves be troubled when we are sometimes beset by adversity; for we know it is meant for our spiritual welfare and carefully proportioned to our needs, and that a limit has been set to it by the wisdom of the same God who has set a bound to the ocean. Sometimes it might seem as if the sea in its fury would overflow and flood the land, but it respects the limits of its shore and its waves break upon the yielding sand. There is no tribulation or temptation whose limits God has not appointed so as to serve not for our destruction but for our salvation."

Jean Baptiste Saint-Jure

I do hope this blesses those who read it.

The Miscarraige Aftermath

An article written by Anne Nordal Broen of the University of Oslo in Norway and published by the American Psychosomatic Society in 2004 provides interesting insights following a study of two groups of women. The first group were women who had suffered a miscarriage and the second were women who had undergone an induced abortion. These women were interviewed to determine the psychological impact of their experiences.

The author questioned the assumption that a miscarriage creates a problem for the woman it happens to while an abortion solves a problem for the woman that chooses it. This assumption, of course fails to consider women who were coerced into the decision by unfavourable circumstances, uncooperative partners or by unfortunate results following genetic testing.

In this study, she excluded abortions due to genetic abnormalities and, as much as possible, late miscarriages. The women were interviewed 10days, 6months and 2years after their experience.
In a lot of the women in the miscarriage group, there were very high levels of what is called intrusion (strong feelings of grief/loss with flashbacks/nightmares/reliving the event) at the 10day interview. Part of what was credited as being responsible for the strong reaction to the experience of a miscarriage is the shock-like event that a miscarriage is; a miscarriage is unexpected and frightening and can shake the most stable of us to the core. This intrusion, however, had remarkably subsided by the 2year interview. Women who did not have the immediate grief reaction after the event were found to suffer higher levels of intrusion at the later interviews.

2years may seem like a long time but the point I want to make is that no matter how bad you feel right now, you will feel better one day. You will always remember the loss but it won’t always hurt this much.

An Important Relationship

I read something credited to John Selby and it really got me thinking. he was talking about how your relationship with yourself is one of the most important relationships in your life and how we need to decide what kind of friend we want to be to ourselves.

I felt deeply convicted as I thought about this because in the first three months or so after my miscarriage I was the worst possible friend to myself: I constantly dredged up all the things I did that may have been responsible for the loss even when I was told it wasn't my fault. I started over-eating and then berated myself for all the weight I had gained to the point that I couldn't even look at myself in the mirror. I was a judgemental and critical friend instead of being an encouraging and nurturing friend. The funny thing is, I wouldn't do that to anybody!

If you are in a dark place right now and you feel all alone, like no one understands, try to be understanding and forgiving of yourself for your own sake. Love yourself; be the kind of friend to yourself that you wish your partner, your mother, your girlfriend, your sister would be.

We owe it to ourselves to be our own best friend and not our own worst enemy.