This too shall pass

For anyone who is struggling, this poem really helped me when I struggled with grief after my miscarriage.

THIS TOO SHALL PASS

If I can endure for this minute Whatever is happening to me,No matter how heavy my heart is Or how dark the moment may be ...

If I can remain calm and quiet With all the world crashing about me,Secure in the knowledge God loves me When everyone else seems to doubt me ...

If I can but keep on believing What I know in my heart to be true,That darkness will fade with the morning And that "this will pass away, too!" ...

Then nothing in life can defeat me For as long as this knowledge remains I can suffer whatever is happening For I know God will break all the chains That are binding me tight in "the darkness"And trying to fill me with fear ...For there is "no night without dawning"And I know that "my morning" is near.
~ Helen Steiner Rice ~

MERRY CHRISTMAS!

http://www.crosscards.com/cards/holidays/christmas/christmas-tree.html

For everyone who has read my blog, for everyone who has posted comments,
For every heart that rejoices and for every heart that still hurts,
For all who have helped me and for all who I've helped,
May 2010 be an even better year than 2009.

Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year.

Dealing with the disappointment of a loss

I found this Dear Abby letter from a woman who had experienced a miscarriage: http://legacy.signonsandiego.com/uniontrib/20070312/news_1c12abby.html

DEAR ABBY: I suffered a miscarriage six weeks ago. Since then, it feels like I have suffered one disappointment after another. My sister-in-law – who was supposed to be infertile – is now expecting. The doctors thought she'd had an ectopic pregnancy, so they performed surgery on her only to find that the baby was fine and right where it should be.
I feel so bitter that I am normal and healthy, and my baby died because of random bad luck, whereas her baby is fine after all the trauma she has been through. I have become increasingly angry and unhappy and can no longer see the positive aspects of my life because I spend so much time focusing on the bad. I want to be happy for her and my brother because, surely, this is a miracle baby – but I just can't.
I think I need a dose of good common sense and a swift kick in the rear to get me out of this depression. Would you do the honors?

– Anonymous in the North

Anyone who has been through a miscarriage will immediately sympathise with her feelings of injustice and jealousy; I couldn't bear the sight of a pregnant woman, any pregnant woman for weeks after my miscarriage because i couldn't help but wonder what they did that I didn't and how unfair it all was.

Thankfully, Abby gives very good advice to this woman; she doesn't need a kick up her rear, none of us do. What we need is the opportunity and support to grieve and work through all we are feeling at the time, knowing that we are not bad persons for feeling the way we do and we will not always feel the way we do.

For anyone struggling with feelings of disappointment and resentment as a result of a miscarriage, you are not abnormal and you are not alone. You will get through this.

When you can't shake that sad feeling

After a miscarriage, no matter how painful the loss, life goes on. You probably return to work and get on the affairs of daily life. After a while, you might manage a smile when you greet people as you go about your business and even sometimes, genuine laughter.

What happens when your life seems to have returned to normal but underneath the surface you still have lingering feelings of sadness? What happens in those moments when you are suddenly confronted by the fact that you suffered a loss? What do you do then?

I don't pretend to know what can be done then; I don't pretend to know what causes the sadness to linger. I just want to say that it happens and it doesn't mean you're regressing or that you are unable to move on after the loss. There'll be sad moments and even days and all I can pray is that when those times come, we will have the grace and strength to deal with it, holding on to the hope that this too shall pass.

Miscarrige in Today's World

I just finished reading an article about Celine Dion having a miscarriage and then people were free to post comments about the article.
Reading through the comments I was struck by the diversity of opinion but even more so by the ways such opinions were passionately attacked and defended.
What saddened me more was how many people were quick to judge her for longing to have a second child at 41years and by IVF; people calling for her to get over herself, to adopt, saying her eggs were to old and her body could not carry another pregnancy because of her age. I don't even feel the need to defend her but I feel the need to comment on the attitude that makes it so difficult to talk about miscarriage.

• How am I supposed to grieve the loss of a child I wanted and loved even without knowing when you make me feel that it makes me a selfish, spoiled child?
• Why should I be able to tell you about my miscarriage if, instead of saying "I'm so sorry for your loss", you say. "you can always have another/haven't you considered adoption?"
• How can I experience the catharsis of talking about what happened to me if you feel it is "yucky" and "TMI"?

I really think we need more voices to speak out and change the wrong attitude that stigmatises a legitimate loss thus hindering the ability to heal.

Sending Encouragement

I've been very busy with the Masters programme but my desire to reach out and help people dealing with miscarriage is still very strong. So if there is anyone who is struggling at this time, I would like to send you this card.

http://www.crosscards.co.uk/cards/cardform.aspx?cp=1&iNo=97&No=35

I hope you are able to read and enjoy it.

In Honour Of Pregnancy &Infant Loss Remembrance Day

October 15th is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day and in honour of that, I want to share a poem I wrote for the one I lost.

For my Angel.
Like a flash of lightening
You lit up my world and then you were gone
Like the morning dew fall
You came, then vanished with the rising sun

Your life was so brief
You brought me such joy, you left me in pain
It’s so hard to grasp
Why you had to go, no one can explain.

My Angel
I’ll love you forever
My Angel
I’ll forget you never
My Angel
I am a believer
That one day I’ll see you
That one day I’ll hold you
That one day, we’ll always be together.