Results are in!

For those of you that have been following (or if you've read my old blog posts) you'll know that I've been working on a research project to highlight to health care providers the importance of information and support to women after a miscarriage and the relevance of this service in Nigeria.

I'm excited to note that I've started analysing the results from the questionnaires i distributed and the results are what i hoped for. First of all, I've been able to prove that here in Nigeria we have the same prevalence of miscarriage as is stated in books in the UK and US, which is 1 in 4 women would have experienced a miscarriage in their lifetime. The commonest emotion highlighted by these women after their miscarriage was misery followed closely by fear.

With the right information and comforting support i believe we can make sure that other women in the future don't have to walk this path alone and I'm grateful for the privilege to speak out for them.

Don't hold back

There's a story about a woman in such deep anguish that she goes to the temple to pray. She's there, pouring out her heart in words too painful to be uttered, in complete agony and a man walks in. He's in charge at this temple, you see, and he assumes that her strange behaviour is because she's been a little too friendly with the bottle.
So he stops her, chastising her for coming to the house of God in such a state. This dear woman then explains to him, that it is sorrow, not drink that is the reason for her state. The man realises his mistake and prays in agreement with her that God will answer her cry.
It's good when we tell the men in our lives how we feel. 'Cos honestly...they just don't get it sometimes! If you're in anguish or sorrow about your miscarriage, infant loss, or any issue at all and it's beginning to affect your attitude or actions then stop. open your eyes, look at your man and open your mouth.
I strongly believe that you both will be glad you did.

Celebrate Life

You may not be where you want to be, you may have sufferred disappoinments, heartaches and loss...but you're alive. As long as you're alive you can continue to be hopeful.
These words, written thousands of years ago, are timeless and still ring true for today:

"For to him that is joined to all the living there is hope...Go thy way, eat thy bread with joy and drink thy wine with a merry heart...let thy garments be always white, and let thy head lack not ointment. Live joyfully...(and) whatsoever thy hand findeth to do, do it with all thy might; for there is no work, nor device, nor knowledge...in the grave"

HAPPY 2009!!!

Sorry the New Year message is late...my internet has been acting up but thank God it's cool now.

I'm excited and grateful for a new year. A clean slate. A fresh beginning.
For everyone who read my blog in 2008, posted comments, prayed for me and this work and are monitoring my progress...thank you very, very much.
I believe that 2009 will be full of good news and I'm so expectant.

Stay blessed and live in charge!

Coping Tips

Reach Out & Touch Someone

Having contact with another person is a physical need during grief that can be overlooked. Touching, hugging and holding another person is both comforting and healing.

Here are some great ways to connect with others:

Hold hands with your spouse or a close friend.
Hug and play with children.
Cuddle pets.
Get a massage.
Have a manicure or pedicure.
Have your hair washed and styled at a salon.
Hugs. When you need a hug- ask for one!

culled from hopexchange.com

This Christmas

Did some Christmas shopping today (I know...I’m late aren’t I?). One of the people I shopped for is a lovely lady that has been of tremendous help to me on my regular job. She confided in me the first day we met how she’s been married for four years and still trying for a baby.

2 weeks ago I met a receptionist where I work (at the staff clinic) who came to see me excited cos she believed she was pregnant (had all the signs). I’d sent her back for some tests and was to review the result but she didn’t return. Went to see her today and it turns out that she started bleeding heavily a few days after we saw and didn’t have the heart to return because she knew she’d lost the pregnancy.

This Christmas I realise that there are many hurting women for whom this time will not be all laughter and fun but a time with moments of pain. I want to use this opportunity to say that you all are in my prayers.I pray you’ll “have yourselves a merry little Christmas” and that “next year all your troubles will be out of sight”.

Somebody not Nobody

“One of the great diseases is to be nobody to anybody...feeling unwanted, uncared for and deserted” – Mother Theresa.

After a miscarriage, the greatest injustice you can do to the mother is act like the baby was nobody to anyone. To a lot of women they lost a baby (not just a pregnancy) and they need to know that that “fetus” was Somebody.

It is important to us that we know that this baby was not a “nobody” or a “nothing” and that there are people who appreciate and acknowledge that the loss is a genuine one.

If you know anyone that may be grieving, even if she’s putting on a brave face, let her feel validated in your appreciation of the genuineness of her loss.