Tears

"When tears come, I breathe deeply and rest. I know I am swimming in a hallowed stream, where many have gone before. I am not alone, crazy or having a nervous breakdown. My heart is at work. My soul is awake." - Margaret Frik.



After my miscarriage, I wrote in my journal, "I finally know what a broken heart feels like." I cried all the way to the hospital and sobbed as the diagnosis was confirmed. I wept so much that I finally slept off on the hospital bed from sheer exhaustion.

Sadly, by the time I got home, I found that there was no one I felt safe enough with to lose control, let go and let the tears flow. My whole family felt so bad for me and the couple of people that saw me cry were so uncomfortable that I decided to smile and be strong. Isn't that what the song says, "Smile when your heart is breaking"? I don't agree with that song anymore.

When you cry, really cry and let the tears flow, it is the best thing you can do for your grieving heart. You're still dealing with a loss, your womb may still be empty but the tears will do you a world of good.

I like to visualise tears from a broken heart like water on a broken up soil: it makes the soil moist and ready to receive seeds and produce beauty. your heart may be broken but so much beauty can be realised if you let the tears fall. Don't be ashamed to cry; and if you're like me and can't find anyone with whom you feel free enough to soak their shirt with your tears and snot, then turn to the Divine Comforter (who, while he was on earth, wasn't ahsamed to weep in public when he lost his friend) and just cry.

Tears. They are a precious gift. Don't despise them. Don't be afraid of them. Embrace them and let them embrace you.

Good Morning

There's something special about the morning. Whether you've had a sleepless, tear-soaked night or you slept soundly only to awaken to the reality of your present situation and dreams that didn't come true, mornings still mean you have to get out of bed.

Mornings give us a fresh start, a clean slate and the promise of a new beginning. When you wake up to another sunny day, when the dawn breaks after a dark sky, you can hope that maybe, just maybe there'll be laughter today; maybe there'll be good news, an opportunity to grow or just the realisation that the pain isn't as bad as it was yesterday.

There is grace freshly prepared for you every morning like a fresh cup of coffee. All you have to do is say thanks for another morning, drink till you're satisfied and go out and conquer your world. You don't know the morning that will mark the start of the day that changes your life for good.

Have a good morning.

Trying Again After A Loss

A lot goes into the decision to try for another pregnancy after you have experienced a loss. First of all, it is important to be in the best possible state of health (physically) before you try to conceive. This means that your blood work has returned to normal and your doctor has given you a clean bill of health. The time all this will take depends on how far along the pregnancy was in the first place and all, if any, procedures that were used in the management of the loss.

More importantly though, your heart has to be in the right place before you try again. For some women, trying again can be a form of therapy helping them to move on. For others, the pain of the loss and sometimes of knowing that there was nothing that could have been done to prevent it, makes it harder to even consider trying again for another pregnancy and risking heartbreak and loss again.

Do not neglect to include your partner and his feelings because he has suffered a loss too. It helps to be open with one another and to be on the same page so that you can support each other.

No matter what you decide, it is important to stay hopeful and positive and maintain a great support network to see you through what will most likely be the scary months of pregnancy.

About "What If?" and "If Only"

After a miscarriage it is so easy to wonder "What if...?" and to wish "If only..."

• "What if I had stopped exercising?"
• "If only I didn't stress myself so much at work ".
• "What if I hadn't had sex that day?"
• "If only I didn"t drink so much coffee/wine."

Helen Jaeger, in Paths through Grief offers much-needed insight. She says, " We do not live in alternative worlds where other outcomes are possible. We live here, we live now and, when we are grieving, we live in pain."

Pause and think on that a moment. Then forgive yourself, let go and live free.

A Poem to Share

JESUS, IS HE WITH YOU?
Jesus is he with you?
I wonder every day
I sit and wonder why he's gone
And why he could not stay

Every part of me is empty
I feel I can't go on
But when I look to heaven
I hear this beautiful song

Mommy I am with him
He holds me in his arms
When every I am with him
He keeps me safe and warm

He says you shouldn't worry
I am safe and loved right here
With all the other baby angels
That passed within the years

We have a special place up here
He thought that you should know
Where the Blessed Mother takes your place
For now until you show

When I hear this precious little voice
From the heavens above
I know that all the angels
Are showering him with love

For everyone that wants to hear
Their babies voice so innocent and sweet
Just close your eyes and begin to pray
And embrace them in your sleep.

(c) Angela Gibson All Rights Reserved

Risk Factors In Miscarriage (3)

These are factors that the researchers found had no impact on the risk of having a miscarriage.
· Pregnancy history – the order of the pregnancy i.e. whether the pregnancy was your first, second etc or the time between two pregnancies (i.e. if it was a short interval) regardless of prior outcome.
· Physical stress – working full time, standing or sitting for more than 6hours a day, lifting heavy objects or people (e.g. your children or pets), strenuous exercise are not associated with a poor pregnancy outcome.
· Social class or level of education.
· Occasional alcohol or moderate caffeine consumption were not associated with increased risk. However, you are advised to cut out alcohol, cigarettes and strictly limit caffeine when you are pregnant.
At the end of the day, one can only hope and pray that everything goes well when you are pregnant. Hopefully, more research will be done into this matter so that we learn more and be able to do more.

Just Checking In

I feel really bad that I haven't updated my blog in a while. There have been some issues with my Internet and even now I'm having difficulty uploading the final part of my article on the risk factors in miscarriage.

I am also working on designing a free e-newsletter for doctors where they can receive regular updates and guidelines to promote good practice and I'm hopeful that it will have many subscribers and make the desired impact on the lives of women in Nigeria.

I will try again to post the final part of my article on risk factors.